If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
