god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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