His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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