after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
