I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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