eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Your shirt... Was in my pants
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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