my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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