Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
