I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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