It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
