I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
