Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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