Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Umm I'm too high to move.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
