I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Come see our sink grown plant.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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