Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
