My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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