is your mom at the bar?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need water and some morals
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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