You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
