eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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