So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
