Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
