just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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