You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This girl is more easily done than said...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
