So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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