Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I will pee on everything he values.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
