You're my little dorito
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
