just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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