He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
