You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
