I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
