I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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