hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
