No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
