Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
