did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
