I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
