On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
