I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
