meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
