Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
