CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Even my vagina gasped.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
