how can u be prego again
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
