my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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