Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
