Your face is a jimmy john
I'm really into asian looking animals
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I need a beard to bite.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
