trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
