and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
