you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
