I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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