wat bout pragnant strippers??
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
