i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
