yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
