Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
