Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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